


Trials maketh woman

by Dummy_Writer



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: But having a uterus would change things, Canon-Typical Violence, Female Eggsy, Gen, Probably ooc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-04-20 20:46:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4801703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dummy_Writer/pseuds/Dummy_Writer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not like she doesn't appreciate being out of jail, she does really. Only, if she knew that calling that number could do that and do it so easily, she'd have saved it for something else, like getting out of jail after going on a murderous spree and killing Dean and his lot, not just stealing and crashing a car.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She’s free. _Free,_ as in not in jail anymore. No one’s even escorting her out, she’s just walking out the station on her own. This isn’t what Eggsy was expecting.

When she’d dialled the number and said that ridiculous phrase—Oxfords not Brogues, what did that even mean?—and they’d said her complaint had been registered she wasn’t expecting anything at all, let alone that she’d be released somehow.

It’s almost disappointing to be released actually, she doesn’t deserve it. Almost looked forward to jail, she broke the cardinal rule and lost her temper, punishment was required. And she’d probably get more discipline in jail than she would under Dean’s roof, might have even been a vacation.

But then Dean would take it out on Mum and Daisy wouldn’t he, the bastard, and that isn’t good. Eggsy should suffer for her own loss of control, it’s only fair that way. A couple of broken ribs and black eye this time Eggsy guesses, that’s probably all she’d end up with this time. Compared to some of the other wankers her Mum had had Dean’s almost kind.

She squints against the light, particularly sunny today, and sighs. Maybe she should have saved that phone call for something else? There was someone with some proper clout behind it, should have saved it for something else, maybe to get Daisy out of there before she grew up. If they can get her out of jail maybe they could get a social worker to take Daisy away to a better home so she doesn’t turn out anything like her mum or older sis.

“Eggsy,” She turns far too quickly, the scruffy ponytail whipping against her neck and she blinks. Whether it’s the sting of it against her skin or just the shock of the person she’s looking at that caused it she doesn’t quite know. “Would you like a lift home?”

The man there couldn’t look more out of place if he tried. Too neat and tidy for anyone just hanging around a police station, not even the officers who’re just getting in for their shift—and how sad is it that she knows their shifts by rote?—are as impeccable as him. And then there’s the umbrella, the one that wasn’t just pointless on such a beautiful day but that he’s also clutching like a cane, the grip of the long fingers on the handle too assured and ready and have her arm coming up just enough in readiness. The one before Dean had a cane he’d liked to use and while this one doesn’t seem to be the type, she knows well enough not to go by appearances.

And he knows her name, not just the name she’s been given but the one she uses which is suspicious to hear from a stranger.

“Who’re you?” The words slip out defensively and she hates herself for the anger in them. Shouldn’t let anyone see the anger, that much she knew but she’d been forgetting that a lot these past days. Losing her temper and taking Dean’s car for a joyride was stupid and she’s nearly paid dearly for it already. No more rage, at least not that anyone would see.

“The man who got you released.”

That she’d figured already. But it isn’t an answer and she needs one to place the man because the more she looks him over—and he isn’t bad to look over at all—the more she wonders why he seems so familiar. The type she knows aren’t exactly the kind to wear bespoke suits.

“That ain’t an answer.”

“A little gratitude would be nice.”

“So would a name.”

He smiles for the briefest of moment and it is such a nice one too. Kind really, if she weren’t suspicious already she might have melted a bit and there she was, thawing already.

“My name is Harry Hart and I gave you that medal.” The blood in her veins freezes and she remembers then— a snowglobe, a distraught mum and a time when she didn’t have to suspect the kindness in the man’s nice brown eyes. “Your father saved my life.”

“You knew him well then.” He must have for her Da to save his life. Mum might say that he was the kind of good person who’d lay his life down for anyone but that’s a bit impossible to believe as an adult although it was easy enough as a child.

“I’d like to think so.” She wonders what she might see in the posh man’s eyes if he weren’t wearing the glasses. Couldn’t hear anything in the voice at least.

“Lucky you.” She doesn’t remember much of her Da but what Mum told her and it’s easy to dismiss what she said. Hard to place much belief in the judgement of someone who willingly married Dean. Eggsy’s halfway down the stairs when the thought occurs to her and she turns back in one single step and jogs up just as quickly as she’d gone down. “This favour I called in right now, I don’t suppose it can be used again?”

Harry Hart raises an eyebrow and smirks. “Do you have any other concerns that you might need help with?” The amusement in his voice is faint but enough to trigger her own hysterical laugh.

“So many.” She says as soft and vulnerable as she can be—a trick Jamal’s mum taught her— but it isn’t easy because she’s been a bit numb on the inside for too long.

“Well then,” He pulls away from the wall smooth and sinuous as can be and the brolly is thrown up and caught on his arm in a swift motion. “Perhaps we should have this conversation elsewhere.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

Harry watched the young woman carefully as she tucked herself into the corner of the cab as far away from him as she could get. He couldn’t see any resemblance between her and the girl he’d met seventeen years ago with the gummy chipped smile and the sunny yellow bow firmly on her head just like Lee had told them about several times over on the flight out to where he’d eventually died, nothing like the kid that hadn’t really understood her father’s death and loudly proclaimed an okay when asked to take care of her mum. This Eggsy resembled the grieving widow Lee had left behind far more and Harry was unprepared for the riptide of guilt that swept over him as the scene played out inside his mind, the young Michelle Unwin asking for her husband back.

Lee would hate this. Hate the guarded looks his daughter was shooting Harry, flicking between where the umbrella was leaning against the partition in the cab and his hands as if wondering how long it would take him to grab it to use as a weapon against her. Hate the bruise on her wrist that was at least four days old and unrelated to the car crash shaped more like fingers anyway, hate the mental and physical layers she was hiding under, padding and armour both at once, hate the lines of exhaustion etched into her skin.

And he’d be disappointed too in all those terrible choices she’d made. Drugs, theft, giving up on the gymnastics that might have taken her to the Olympics. He could still see hints of the former athlete in there in the way her toes touched the ground first and always soundless but other than that...

There was a talent there though. That guarded caution wasn’t just instinctive but measuring as well, she was waiting for him to slip up and reveal something, circling him in her mind like a huntress. The high IQ indicated in the files, the dexterity her movements and the smarts that had come from years of living under threat combined to make her an asset in the making, brimming with promise.

Whether that potential was for Kingsman or something else remained to be seen but he was more just than toying with the idea of making her his candidate for Lancelot. It would be more than fitting if she took over the role that her father would have played were it not for Harry’s mistake. More than fitting really.

But there was more he needed to know that the files didn’t tell him to make that decision and a nice quiet conversation was just the way to go.

 


	3. Chapter 3

The ‘elsewhere’ where they have their conversation turns out to be a pub just far enough from home that Dean’s brood won’t see her there but close enough that the sight of Harry Hart sitting in his bespoke suit is strange. Eggsy can almost hear the other blokes there look her over and decide that she’s a whore being rented out which is as stupid as it gets because Harry Hart— _that_ _name_ deserves to be said all the time—doesn’t need to buy a woman’s time.

Not hers certainly but he might need to buy her attention. All she’s done is asked him if he knew her Da well and he’s gone off on how disappointed he’d be in ‘the choices she’d made’.

 _Choices_. Right.

“—Huge IQ, great performance in primary school then it all went tits up.” He stops when she laughs, huge and loud but something about hearing the words ‘tits up’ come out of that thin pretty mouth is fucking hilarious and she can’t stop the amusement from ripping through her.

“Sorry luv. Go on then, I love hearing about dead men’s disappointments.” It stings letting him get away with talking to her like that, like he had any right to say anything to her when her  ‘choices’ came out of the consequences of something he’d missed, but whatever. Watching the little muscle dance in his jaw is enough reward for her.

“I’d show that dead man some respect if I were you.”

“Speaking of my Da,” She says and he looks at her sharply. No point pretending this is a line of conversation she wants to follow. “This favour then, is it only for those related to ‘im directly?”

If the sudden change in conversation surprises him he doesn’t show it, taking a sip of the pint of Guinness in front of him carefully. Everything he’s doing is careful; she realises and watches in admiration. Perhaps she can learn a bit of self-control from the man who’s been so collected and calm all this time.

“Would you care to elaborate?”

“I have a sister. She’s not related to Lee Unwin but she might need help yeah?”

“Ah,” Another sip but the level in the glass doesn’t really seem to be going down. “And what might she need help in?”

It takes her a good while to think of exactly how to answer that. “Her existence.”

* * *

_“Why are you still—“She’d asked her Mum while pressing the cool pack of frozen peas against her cheek. “Just, why?” Because Eggsy had gotten used to it but she never understood it. She loves her mother but that love is twisted up tightly with anger and something she doesn’t want to call hate but probably is._

_“It’s worth it, all of it. I’ve got you and Daisy and...and we’ve got a roof over our head don’t we?” Mum smiled and winced when it hurt her and **fuck** ,it was hurting her to smile what was the point of it all? How could it possibly be worth it to have a house that wasn’t a home, that wasn’t even a safe place let alone a happy one? How could it be worth it when Daisy would grow up thinking being smacked around was normal, expected even?_

_The way things were going, her baby sister would either end up like Mum, desperately dependant on a man that couldn’t be depended upon, like Eggsy, barely a shell of a person unable to feel anything but anger or worse, like Dean. It wasn’t worth it at all and that knot of anger twisted and writhed inside of her only really unravelling when she finally let it the fuck out on that ugly yellow car._

* * *

Harry Hart’s face stays blank but she got the feeling if it was anyone else that eyebrow would be flying up on their face right about now. Not to mock exactly, but in inquiry and so she answers the unasked question.

“Ain’t exactly the kind of life she should grow up with.”

“It’s not exactly our forte but I’ll see what we can do.”

There’s that ‘we’ again. Harry Hart uses that royal we—and she did mean _Royal_ we—in ways a tailor really shouldn’t. The pint in front of him is nearly empty now, she realises. Once it’s done he’ll be off, she’ll just be waiting and the thought of it does her in. She’ll be waiting for Daisy to be taken away from them, waiting for the day when she got to break Dean’s face in, just waiting for something to change. She’s tired of waiting.

“You got me released before.” He shoots her a look like it’s the most idiotic thing he’s ever heard but she ignores it. Bit by bit her control was returning to her and she was exercising it.

“I’m aware of that.”

“You think you can get me off for something more than petty theft? Like, I dunno, multiple homicide?”

‘Cause the thing is, she could kill them. She could kill Dean and his lot and she knows where he keeps his secret stash of money so she can get her Mum and Daisy out of there and it would be easy. Dean gets strong and crazy in his rages but he also gets sloppy and the knife she wears under her sleeves would slice through his neck like butter. Jamal and Ryan could get Mum and Daisy away long enough for her to get Rottweiler, she knew his favourite girl on Smith Street well enough, the chit would probably help Eggsy kill him. She could get Poodle drunk and just tell him to jump off a roof and he would.

She could do it without a second thought but she couldn’t be clean enough about it to not be caught and a dark little part of her didn’t want to be clean about it. Wanted to proclaim to the world that she’d done it but then Mum would be horrified. She’d look at her in terror and take Daisy as far away from her as possible and that just wouldn’t do. Eggsy loved her Mum but she had gotten into the habit of finding terrible men and then just sticking with them no matter what and that put Daisy in the same place Eggsy wanted her away from.

“Should you really be telling me that you’re considering murder?”

“Should you really be here telling me your real name instead of hiding behind a shady tailors’ when you’ve gotten me released from jail?” That kind of information could be worth a lot.

“You assume it’s my real name.”

“Sounds too much like a fake name to be actually fake.” She dismisses easily and is surprised to see something like approval from the older man. He opens his mouth to reply only for the shrill sound of his phone to interrupt and he frowns at it as if it’s mortally offended him.

“I’m afraid I shall have to take this, if you would excuse me?” He asks, actually _asks_ and for a microsecond she toys with the thought of refusing but nods instead, a strange sense of power coming to her with that. Power freely given is always headier than power taken.

He hasn’t even stepped out of the pub when someone takes the newly empty seat across from her and leans in, breath stinking of booze.

“What’s it gonna cost to get under your skirt then, luv?” She barely blinks, has been expecting this since she walked in but really, she’s not even wearing a skirt, they’re jeans for crying out loud.

“A loving relationship complete with a ring on this finger.” She waggles her left ring finger and leaves it at that even though she knows he won’t take it as an answer.

“And grandpa there’s giving you all that then?” He sneers and she sighs. She can feel a headache brewing and it is just not her day today.

“He doesn’t want under my skirt in the first place.”

The disbelieving laugh has her feeling offended for Harry’s sake—awfully rude that— but the laugh is apparently what the rest have been waiting for because they’re suddenly much closer than they were before and the five she’d noticed before has turned into seven.

“It seems I’ve lost my seat.” Harry’s voice jolts them out of conversation and the man pulls back taking his cloud of odour with him.

“He was just leaving.” She says firmly, not willing to take it. He only had a few friends anyway and they were three sheets to the win most of them. Her knife would move quicker than their hands and feet and she might not be able to count on Harry to fight with her but she didn’t think he would help them either.

The man leers down at her even as he gets up, rolling his eyes. “Not interested in such a cheap bit of brass anyway.” The others laugh but Harry is unimpressed. He turns and latches the doors of the pub shut, every hard sound of the bolts sliding into place emphasized with a word and he says the strangest thing she’d ever heard.

“Manners maketh man.”

And then a flurry of activity better suited for an action movie than a pub unleashes upon the men. It’s quite impressive really, he takes down the five of the seven with just his umbrella and they don’t land so much as a pinkie on him. While the other two rush him she realises the bartender’s calling the police and she can’t really afford any more trips to the station so she leaps over the counter and knocks him out. As suddenly as the noise began, all glass shattering, chairs splintering, it’s gone and only silence remains. Harry fixes the cuffs of his sleeves and pushes the slightly dishevelled hair back and sits back in his seat and empties his pint while she leans away from the counter and her hand encounters the wooden railing of the stairs behind her. He sighs and just as he relaxes, finally inclining against the back of the seat properly, she pulls herself over the rail and flies up the stairs. She jumps out the window onto the next building and climbs up the pipe, swinging onto the ledge of the roof and just runs building from building until she has to stop just to get some air into her lungs.

She’s _actually_ surprised. Why is she even surprised by violence anymore, she doesn’t understand why it still scares her, why it’s still shocking to see Harry Hart take down all these men so quickly and easily. He was in the Marines with her Da and he had enough contacts in the system to get her out of jail, should this display really be the thing that gets her? Strange.

He could _kill_ her. It’s not the first person she’s met who could do that but the rest would have taken their time, wanted to drag it out just enough that she had some time to figure out a way out.

Harry Hart would have her dead before she’d realised the thought of killing her had passed his mind and that terrified her enough that she has to sit down and put her head between her knees, calm herself down from a panic attack.

“Awfully rude of you,” Harry fucking Hart says just as her breathing’s normal and just walks onto the roof, calm as can be and her heart leaps to her throat again, “Running out on me like that.”

“What do you want?” Eggsy spits out and he just takes his glasses off and wipes them with his handkerchief.

“I simply wanted to apologise for the display back in the club. Needed to let off a little steam. Heard yesterday a friend of mine died. He knew your father too actually.”

“You gonna give some other kid the medal this time then?”

He pauses and for a second his brows scrunch together like he’s trying to hide pain and she wonders if maybe he had been injured in the fight despite what she saw.

“No, no medals this time round.”

“How’d you find me?” Because he was spry but she flew when she needed to and she had needed to. There was no way he had followed her the way she’d been going.

“I’ll tell you if you answer my question.”

She rolls her eyes and bows mockingly. “Ask.”

“Why did you run?”

She blinks. Did he really forget about the display he’d just apologised for?

“Because you scared me.”

“No, that’s not it.”

“I think I know what I feel.”

“Yes but you already know I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“Is that right?”

“Eggsy, I’ve invested too much time in effort in you to do that. You know this.”

Well maybe she did but still, calling her out on that is just plain rude.

“Come now, tell me the truth.” He commands and she deflates. Might as well get on with it.

“I’m not used to being in a room with someone smarter than me.”

She wasn’t strong and she wasn’t the best fighter. The only thing she had were her smarts and Harry was not only just as smart as her, if not smarter, he was a better fighter. Between fight and flight, the latter was the only option that had some possibilities and yet here she was, cornered by him. Not good.

“I put a tracker on you.” He says and she gawks as she remembers the feather light brush of his hand on the middle of her back as he’d said ‘Ladies first’ on their way into the pub. He isn’t fazed by her outrage and simply leans against a half torn down wall. “I knew you were a flight risk.”

“That ain’t right.”

“It was quite impressive though. Were it not for the tracker I would have lost you entirely.”

 “What do you want?”

“Why do I have to want something?”

She doesn’t answer, just tilts her head and waits for him to answer the fucking question.

“Very well, how would you like to be able to help your sister yourself?”

“And how do I do that?”

“I’d like to offer you a job, well a job interview.”

Another time and she would have figured that job involved being on her knees but you don’t take out a pub full of people for a whore.

“If you succeed you’ll become a Kingsman, if you fail well, you’ll end up with a skill set I think you’d appreciate.”

Somehow, she got the feeling that those skill sets didn’t involve tailoring.

“I’m listening.”

Harry fucking Hart smiles, no, he fucking _beams_ and there’s almost a skip in his step as he pushes off the wall.

“Let’s head to the shop.”


	4. Chapter 4

Harry was rather disappointed when she ran. He’d known she would at some point, Eggsy held herself with all the stillness of a deer made aware of a predator’s presence but it was still disappointing that she was scared of him. He wondered if perhaps he had misjudged her, perhaps she wasn’t Kingsman material after all.

Then he reached the landing of the stairs barely a second after her and yet found no trace of her despite the fact that he was afforded a rather lovely and extensive view of the surroundings.

He was impressed.

Harry hummed as he stepped down the stairs and carefully over the strewn bodies to the nondescript black cab waiting for him. The setup in the cab would do to trace her whereabouts although he really would have preferred the one he had at home. Choosing a candidate—and holding on to them—was the closest thing to a personal task as it got for Harry. And riding around in the car as he followed her as she ran around London gave him some time to think over things like how negotiations would proceed.

And there _would_ be negotiations. Now that he’d met her, talked to her, watched her take out the bartender and then fly off like a bird there was no one else he could fathom as his candidate but she wouldn’t be so easily convinced. He couldn’t appeal to the sentimentalism in her if the talk in the pub was anything to go by. Valour and patriotism was all rot to her. Harry suspected that if he told Eggsy they fought in the name of the Queen she would simply say that she was a mere figurehead and not care. She didn’t care about the abstract notion of Saving the World, her world was whittled down to a handful of people who lived in the estate.

And that was his in. She’d do anything for them, for her mother, for the friends she’d refused to give up and taken the blame for, for the little sister she was willing to murder for so easily. For them she’d do it all.

Now all that was left was to convince her of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments by the way. If I could figure out a way to reply to them all without sounding like the answering machine of a complaints helpline I would, but alas!


	5. Chapter 5

“What do you see?” Harry says, eyes fixating on hers in the reflection of the mirror in what she supposes is the fitting room. It’s strange to have such attention doted upon her. There are days that she’s spent in a sort of limbo where no one’s seen her—not because she hid herself but because she just wasn’t important—and to have all that careful consideration directed to her is unnerving.

What does she see? What she sees everyday in the mirror, lines of exhaustion carved under her eyes, two days old shirt that seemed even more raggedy than usual next to Harry fucking Hart’s perfectly pressed suit, oh and look, another perfect suit just hanging off the hooks.

What the fuck is Eggsy even doing here?

“Someone who wants to know what the fuck is going on.”

“I see a young woman with potential.”

“Potential serial killer maybe.” She scoffs and he smiles like the thought of that is amusing and she remembers the fight in the pub—if it could even be called that, it was more like a pummelling—and figures that whatever Harry Hart has in mind might actually find potential serial killer a useful thing in a person.

“I see a young woman with potential,” He repeats but with a softness in his eyes that wasn’t there before, “One who is loyal once that loyalty is earned, a woman who could do something great with her life if given the opportunity. Did you see the film Trading Places?”

Eggsy frowns wondering what a film might have to do with this and shakes her head in the negative.

“How about Nikita? Pretty Woman?”

Eggsy suddenly feels very young. She does know a whore named Nikita though who taught her to shoot with the gun she’d stolen from one of her clients. She was nice.

“Alright. My point is that your lack of a silver spoon has set you on a certain path, but you needn’t stay on it. If you’re prepared to adapt and learn, you can transform.”

“Like in Pygmalion?”

He blinks at her clearly surprised in the best of ways. Eggsy wonders if that would still be the case if he knew she got the book from a burglary and only because it had a reference to My Fair Lady, her mother’s favourite film, on the cover.

“Well now, you’re full of surprises. Yes, like in Pygmalion. Only in this case I’m offering you the opportunity to become a Kingsman.”

“I’m not that good at sewing. Not sure I’d be any good a tailor.”

‘Opportunity to become a Kingsman’. Best to go along with the vagueness really.

“A Kingsman agent.” Well this was interesting. Agent implied a great deal more than just the private security firm she was thinking of.

“Like a spy.”

“Of sorts. Interested?”

It takes her some time to make her decision and it isn’t easy. One the one hand, _spy_ which immediately brought to mind the Bond theme music and flashy gadgets, or perhaps not so flashy gadgets maybe just a simple umbrella, only not so simple. On the other hand, **spy** , which also immediately brought to mind tragic back-stories and relationships going to shit.

“I’m not _un_ interested.” She supposes losing her Da already counts as a bit of a tragic back-story and Dean does enough damage to her precious people anyway. “’Sides, don’t really have anything to lose.”

He leans around her and presses his hand to the mirror and suddenly the ground beneath them starts to move smoothly without the slightest of jolts.

“Since 1849, Kingsman Tailors have clothed the world's most powerful individuals. In 1919, a great number of them had lost their heirs to World War I.That meant a lot of money going uninherited. And a lot of powerful men with the desire to preserve peace and protect life. Our founders realized that they could channel that wealth and influence for the greater good. And so began our other adventure. An independent international intelligence agency operating at the highest level of discretion. Without the politics and bureaucracy that undermine the intelligence of government-run spy organisations. A suit is the modern gentleman's armour. And the Kingsman agents are the new knights.”

“You have no legal authority” She realises when he says they’re independent. “Cock, and _I’m_ the one who ended up in jail?”

“You don’t have to make it sound so nefarious.” If Eggsy didn’t know any better she’d say Harry was pouting.

“It’s a private security firm with lots of money.”

“It’s a private intelligence organisation that protects the vested interests of the republic.” He practically sulks, the expression making him look heaps younger and she’s amused by it immensely. “And you only _nearly_ ended up in prison which was entirely your fault for deliberately crashing into a police car.”

“If I become a Kingsman agent can I crash into a police car and say I did it in the name of security of the republic?”

Harry glares at her but is saved from answering when the seemingly endless brick shaft ends and leads into what looks uncannily like a tube station with a pod like carriage. Harry simply takes a seat and she does the same, the pod doors closing shut before she has the chance to do up her seat belt and the pod fairly belts out of the station.

The pod moves fast and the momentum feels uncomfortable sitting where she is in the direction opposite to that of the pod and so she shifts to the seat next to Harry Hart. He raises an eyebrow and she raises one right back, still finding all of this amusing probably because it’s rather unreal.

“So, secret underground railway system?”

“Built during the second World War when bombings were a common occurrence. Although it was never really put into use during the era itself, took far too long to be built.”

“Of course it did.” She says with a hint of a laugh. It’s easier, she realises, to be amused with all this going on. Doesn’t quite feel like reality, certainly not _her_ reality. She wonders if this is a little game, that perhaps Morpheus has pulled her out of the Matrix and put her into a very different program. Or maybe it’s a dream, the result of a head wound perhaps.

She resolves to find a spoon as soon as possible and try to bend it with her mind. Feels like an actual possibility right now.

“Shit, we’re late.” Harry says even before he’s out of the pod and she fights the urge to laugh. Harry swearing so easily just seems strange to her like when Ryan’s toddler brother learnt the word ‘cock’ and wouldn’t stop saying it. Eggsy follows him out but slows down almost immediately as she takes in the view from the glass of the observation deck they’re in.

Her jaw drops at the sight in front of her and she has to try very hard to stop herself from just pressing her nose up against the glass to get a better look at what was essentially the largest garage she had ever seen filled with planes, tanks and cars, _oh_ , the _cars_. A perfect little Jaguar F-type gleaming in hunter green right next to the a Lamborghini that isn’t even road legal that she’s always coveted and she wants to be a Kingsman with a  ferocity that hurts just to get a  little bit closer to those beauties.

“Your father had the same look on his face,” She hears Harry say, his voice almost drowned out by the sound of blood thumping through her veins. “As did I.”

Her eyes fix on the cars and a choked sound leaves her at the sight of a Pagani Zonda. “I want to _wreck_ them.” She says and is surprised by the sheer _want_ in her own voice. Harry looks at her with the strangest expression on his face and she smiles quickly to cover it up. “In the best way possible of course.”  She assumes he’s remembering that their reunion had occurred because of her car accident.

(Does it count as an accident if there was nothing actually accidental about it?)

Harry clears his throat and cants his head towards a door he’s holding open and she reluctantly tears away from the glass.“Come along.”

She follows him through the maze of corridors, carefully noting ever turn they make to get a better idea of the facility. The pod, she realises, must have taken them far far away from the city for there to be such an elaborate space available.

“Galahad!” A new voice calls out and Harry hushedly explains it as his codename. The new person is a bald headed man with glasses and a writing pad in hand that had no paper attached to it. “Late again, sir.” He shoots Harry a chiding look before turning to her. “In you go.”

She hesitates and eventually just holds her hands out in front of her. “After you.”

The bald man’s eyebrow flies up and he looks down his nose at her, pushing his glasses up. “I don’t think so. Go.”

Eggsy dithers and it is only when Harry nods that she goes into the room, left hand pushing the door open while the right is held out defensively in front of her. She doesn’t know quite what to expect but the group of kitted out blokes and birds who look like they’re getting ready for a photo shoot for some pretentious catalogue isn’t it.

“Fall in.” Merlin commands and they all fell into two lines. "Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Merlin. You are about to embark on what is probably the most dangerous job interview in the world. One of you, and only one of you, will become the next Lancelot. Can anybody tell me,” he picks up the green bag on one of the bunks and holds it up, “what this is?”

Everyone else’s hands fly up and Merlin chooses a bloke down the line to answer it. “Body bag sir.”

A body bag. That was interesting. She’s seen body bags before of course but when she did, they had bodies in them and that always caught her attention more than the plastic bag they were being put into.

“Correct, Charlie is it?”

“Yes, sir.” Charlie says with deference before looking at them all smugly like that one know-it-all boy back in school always used to.

"Good. In a moment you will each collect a body bag. You will your name on that bag. You will write the details of your next of kin on that bag. This represents your acknowledgement of the risks that you're about to face, as well as your agreement to strict confidentiality. Which, incidentally, if you break, will result in you and your next of kin being in that bag. Is that understood?"

It was understood, sure, but not exactly acceptable. How could they do that even, pull someone completely uninvolved with this shit into the fight like that? Great blackmail technique but not exactly ethical.

“Excellent, fall out.” Merlin says with far too much barely subdued amusement and leaves the room. The group breaks off and Eggsy goes to the one bunk that didn’t have luggage next to it. The girl who has the bunk next to her smiles and holds out her hand.

"Roxanne. But, call me Roxy."

“I’m Eggsy.”

“Eggy?”

“Naw, Eggsy.” She corrects, grateful that Roxie hasn’t asked for her real name.

“Eggy,” Charlie the know-it-all says, posturing like a peacock. Eggsy knows plenty of blokes like him, couldn’t keep their hands off their waist having to show off their belts, just one second away from hip thrusting in everyone’s faces to prove they have balls. Idiots. “Where’d they dig you up?” He looks her over and she does the same, baffled.

She’s never met anyone before who ticks off so many boxes of conventional attractiveness and yet manages to be so fucking unattractive. There is something very unlikeable about him that is apparently obvious to Roxie as well because her face stiffens into an expression of distaste.

“You know we’re not allowed to discuss who proposed us.” The way Roxie talks indicates previous animosity and two other candidates begin walking towards them, flanking Charlie.

“No need to bite his head off, Charlie’s only making conversation.” The other prick says, batting Charlie gently on his arm. “Right Charlie?” They share the same smarmy smiles and her mind quietly classifies them as Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle. Charlie’s defender sticks his hand out and introduces himself. “I’m Digby.” His hand presses around hers rubbing his thumb over the back of her palm with a hint of a leer.

She can’t help the snort as she tries to control the gurgle of laughter welling up in her throat. “Dickby?” Eggsy asks, hoping the twitch at the side of her mouth isn’t too obvious. Dickby’s smarmy smile drops.

“Digby. Eggy this is Rufus, Rufus, Eggy.” The other one steps forward and offers his hand and Eggsy doesn’t bother correcting Dickby.

She’d take the name Eggy over Dickby any day. In fact, she almost wants to cry for Dickby, having to go through all those boarding schools—because there _must_ have been boarding schools—with that name. That poor boy must have been terrorised.

“So, _Eggy_ ,” Rufus drawls. “Are you Oxford or Cambridge?”

Eggsy ignores the question too busy with the realisation that they all seem to know each other very well. “Ain’t you lot a bit too friendly for competitors?”

“Competitors?” Charlie brays in laughter.

“Just the one seat up for grabs, innit? And nine of us here.” It’s interesting to see Rufus and Dickby get just a bit tense and fall back a little while Charlie stays to mock.

“Do you honestly think _you’re_ going to get that seat?”

“Widdle Charlie wants into the chocowate factowy! Adorable!” Charlie flushes. “Aww, wee lamb.”

“You think you’re funny do you?” He says menacingly and she clucks her tongue. It’ll be hard for someone with such a short temper to be a spy.

“Roxie’s laughing. And you should laugh too luv, you don’t wanna end up in the body bag knowing you died angry.” She can imagine Charlie being a lot of things but a spy ain’t one of them.

“If anyone’s going to be leaving in the body bag it’s you.” Charlie growls in her face and stalks off.

The laughter slips off her face as she thinks of her Mum crying over her body. Only, what are the chances of that anyway? Da died for Kingsman but they didn’t have nothing to bury or cremate. Just the medal, nothing more.

“It’s just scare tactics.” Roxy reassures her when she’s been staring at the body bag for too long. “Classic army technique. No one’s going to die.”

“None of you lot anyway.”

“Pardon?”

“Cambridge, Oxford and all that, it weren’t a joke, right? One of you’s end up in a bag and someone notices, someone who can make a right old fuss about it. Me, I’m just cannon fodder.” A statistic as the good ole DI Drake tells her.

Amelia, as she introduces herself, walks up to them and offers a pen and a firm handshake making small talk. “Don’t take any notice of those guys.” She says firmly and Eggsy wonders if you have to have a uterus to be nice in here.

“That’s what I told her.” Roxie says.

“But ‘is name is _Digby_. Think of ‘im going through school as that, my heart breaks for ‘im.”

They laugh, the three of them just as the Charlie, Rufus and Dickby do the same but with a great deal more obnoxiousness and Eggsy sighs. “You sure it’s just a scare tactic?”

Roxie shrugs. “Unfortunately.”

Things slow down after that. They’re the first friends she’s made in ages that are girls and it’s strange. Eggsy’s gotten used to being one of the boys, it’s just easier that way back home but this isn’t home and Amelia and Roxie are _nice_.

 There’s a pair of pyjamas along with the bedding and Amelia lends her a hair tie and Roxie has an extra toothbrush that she hands over with a waggle of her eyebrows when they realise she has no luggage with her and she walks over to the mirror to brush her teeth. If she was at home she’d be getting Daisy ready right about now, she realises and pauses to look herself in the mirror and wonder if it’s worth it.

It is, she decides, and is back to scrubbing her teeth when a thought occurs to her and she looks over the mirror carefully. Eggsy abruptly stops brushing her teeth and leans in close to the mirror, blinking once, twice. She resumes brushing, the right hand guiding the toothbrush in her mouth while the left waves.

“Hello to you too.” Roxie says, laughter in her voice and takes her kit out. Eggsy realises that Roxie must have thought she was waving at her.

“Wa’un you.” Eggsy explains, brush still moving.

“What?”

She spits out the foam and gargles a few times before explaining. “Wasn’t waving at you.”

“Then who?”

“The person on the other side of the mirror.”Roxie stops abruptly and looks at her carefully.

“You think this is a two way mirror?”

“Mounted to the wall innit? ‘Sides, I was on the other side of ‘un less than twenty four hours ago.”

It’s been less than twenty four hours since she made that call and said Oxfords not Brogues and her life changed completely, how odd.

“You were? Why?”

“Stole a car. Crashed it. And then crashed it again into a police cruiser.”

Roxie looks between her and the mirror a couple of times before pressing her finger to the mirror. The reflections touches the nail at exactly the point where it meets the mirror and Roxie frowns and leans back, convinced.

Definitely a two way mirror.

 Eggsy can’t usually sleep in a strange place and it doesn’t exactly help that someone’s watching them but she didn’t sleep the night before after the joyride in Poodle’s car and she was still feeling bruised from the crashes and so sleep comes easily to her that night.

It leaves her just as quickly when she realises the room’s flooded and the water’s only rising. Her mattress is already soaked and absently she feels glad for not having any luggage to ruin before she remembers the body bag and then she joins the panic. The room is quickly flooding and though Roxie and Charlie are talking of loo snorkels and making their way to the commodes, Eggsy makes her way to the door as quickly as she can but they don’t budge. The others are already in the lit area of the bathroom when she remembers the mirror and picks up the lucky horseshoe Roxie brought with her that she’d shown her before. Eggsy hurls it at the glass with everything she has but the water’s too high already and it leaves only a thin little cracks before she’s completely submerged, having only a second to breathe in deep.

Luckily Roxie realises what Eggsy was trying to do and by the time she swims over to them she’s already working at it, slamming the horseshoe against the glass with repeated motions and Eggsy joins in, pounding her fist against the growing web of cracks with all she has until finally it breaks and they tumble out into the room from which Merlin was observing them, gasping for breath.

Merlin, betrays no expression and simply refers to the little watch in his hand and makes a note on the writing pad.

"Congratulations on completing your first task. Charlie, Roxie...well done. For those of you who are still confused , if you can get a breathing tube around the u-bend of a toilet, you have an unlimited air supply. Simple physics, worth remembering. Eggsy, well done for spotting that was a two-way mirror."

“She’s probably seen enough of them,” Charlie snarks and she snorts.

“Three times ain’t enough.”

"You can all wipe those smirks off your faces because as far as I'm concerned, every single one of you has failed. You all forgot the most important thing... Teamwork." He glares at them and Eggsy feels his scrutiny bearing down on them all hard as his pen points to the room they were in. They stand to see Amelia laid out over the low wall of the bathroom apparently not breathing.

"So much for classic army technique.” Her breath which wasn’t the most stable even before comes out in heavy deep pants and Eggsy’s hand reaches up to the hair tie Amelia gave her, still loosely curled in her hair. “I didn’t even know we were underwater for that long.”

Roxie startles and leaps over the frame where the glass hung and Eggsy follows. “We weren’t.” She says and starts doing chest compressions, telling Eggsy to reposition Amelia’s head and within seconds Amelia is up, gasping for breath just the same as them and they all heave a sigh of relief.

Merlin just watches the three of them as Eggsy and Roxie haul Amelia between them over to the observation room and his face goes tight, almost angry. When he lets out the breath he was holding in Eggsy prepares herself for a scolding, for being told how stupid they were for not realising this before, for letting Amelia get to this point in the first place.

“Good work Roxie, Eggsy.” He says instead and leaves the room. The only sound is that of their breathing as they realise that had they not run to Amelia’s side she would have been dead and in that body bag. Their first task and already it was obvious what Merlin meant by ‘most dangerous job interview in the world’, **_fuck_** , Amelia could have _died_. They all look over each other as if desperate to make sure they’re all really here and Amelia breaks the silence by bursting into hysterical laughter while Roxie and Eggsy’s eyes meet.

“Fuck.”


	6. Chapter 6

“Merlin.”

“Galahad.” Merlin acknowledges him but doesn’t turn away from the den of screens he’s sequestered in. Harry always thought him like a bear when he did so and then shuddered at the thought of a bald bear. It was tradition and so Harry shudders as the thought repeats itself.”If you’ve lost the file or burnt it again—“

“I didn’t mean to do that the first time.”

“—then you can find the information on Professor Arnold on your glasses.”

“Yes, I’m aware.”

Merlin swivels in his chair and manages to look down his nose at Harry despite being seated. His fingers steeple under his chin and Harry sighs at Merlin’s blatant love for kitschy spy movie villains.

“Then why are you here?”

“Can’t a chap stop by to talk to his old friend?”

Merlin blinks. “No.”

“Ah well, I was simply wondering how the first test went. Will I have to stop by the Unwin house and inform Michelle of a death?”

Again, his mind adds and in his Oxfords his toes twitch.

Merlin raises an eyebrow but plays the recording of last night’s events.

“Clever girl.” Harry can’t help the proud grin on his face as he sees his protégé break the glass.

“She mentioned that it was a two way mirror to Percival’s candidate, earned herself an ally.” And that’s when Harry realises there’s someone else banging away on the mirror along with Eggsy.

“Ah yes, good show.” Merlin doesn’t believe him but he doesn’t call him out on it either so Harry allowed himself a moment of victory. Eggsy was going to be the next Lancelot.

“Where did you find her?”

“She’s Lee’s daughter. Got herself into a spot of trouble with the police.”

“Did she now?” Merlin pulls up Eggsy’s files and the footage of the car chase through a myriad of London’s  CCTV cameras and even a few videos that made it on Instagram. “Pretty piece of driving.” Merlin says as the car weaves through traffic in reverse turning smoothly before crashing and Harry’s heart sinks.

“Shit.”

She swerved to avoid the fox. Eggsy was going to fail the dog test.

He had to something about it, make sure that no matter what she would see that shooting the dog was essential, he had to make her want to be a Kingsman.

Which she didn’t, not right now anyway. It was just smoke and mirrors right now and she didn’t quite care enough to do whatever it takes to be a Kingsman, Eggsy wasn’t motivated for that yet.

It isn’t just about his reputation or the unspoken wager he has going on with Arthur but more than that. It’s about...well he doesn’t know what it’s about but Eggsy _has_ to be a Kingsman. Harry needs her to be a Kingsman, needs her there as one of them for reasons he doesn’t let himself think about. All that mattered was that she was to be a Kingsman and he had to find a way to motivate her for it.

“You know Merlin, since this a college I’m going to, I think the talk with Professor Arnold would go a lot smoother if perhaps I had a student with me.”

“Oh?” Merlin says and the surprise he expresses is entirely unfelt, Harry can tell. “And I suppose you have just the person in mind for this.”

“We have taken candidates on missions before.”

“Last time we did the candidate wound up dead.” Merlin brings up Lee Unwin’s file on the screen. “ _Your_ candidate wound up dead.”

“Well I highly doubt that will be the case here.”

They hold each other’s eyes for a while before Merlin sighs and turns back to his screens and Harry can see that he’s building a cover story for Eggsy and barely suppresses a triumphant smirk. “Arthur’s not going to like this.” Merlin grumbles and Harry snorts.

“If I limited myself to doing what Arthur liked I would lead a rather dull life indeed.”

* * *

Alright, so Eggsy has no fucking clue what to expect when it comes to Kingsman but everyone else’s confusion makes it pretty obvious that a medical check-up not the norm. Roxy, who seems to know the most about Kingsman and its trials—might be related to one even—has a permanent frown on her face now. Eggsy doesn’t quite mind, it would actually be nice to know if she’s healthy, she hasn’t been to a hospital in a very long time, even Daisy was born at home with Ryan’s mum playing midwife and Mum always took Daisy to get her shots on her own.

Still part of her can’t help but think Charlie’s pointed remarks of ‘Making sure the mutt doesn’t have any fleas’ was accurate.

(But seeing Rufus and Dickby’s laughter come a second later than expected was fun, already there was dissent in that camp.)

And Amelia was being weird. Eggsy couldn’t quite pinpoint how exactly, but she was and it was throwing her off.

“This way.”

Her first indication that something was off was when Merlin was the one escorting her, then there was this: Merlin was leading her _up_ through the UK headquarters while she’d seen the lift taking Charlie and Hugo go down.

A routine medical check-up. Right.

“Through there.” Merlin says and waits for her to go through the doors just like he did when they first met and she tenses up again, expecting someone with needles and a whole slew of beeping machines to be waiting for her.

She doesn’t expect Harry Hart.

“You’re going to take my blood?” Eggsy can’t quite contain her surprise at seeing Harry there. From what Roxy told her candidates didn’t have much if any contact with their proposers.

“That’s not quite why I’m here.” Harry smiles that little half smile of his. “Although should the situation arise you should know that I was in the RAMC, so I could take your blood.”

“What the fuck is going on?”

“Awfully rude.” Harry says, managing to somehow sound offended even though he was being a bit of a pisspot and even Merlin looks at him with something like antipathy before handing her a file.

“You are going to be joining Galahad on an Intel retrieval mission.”

“You wot?!”

How unexpected.

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

“What the fuck is goin’ on?” Eggsy asks unable to help herself once they’re settled into the not so normal Black Cab. She’s been given a pair of Kingsman issue glasses not unlike Harry’s but in a black instead of the tortoiseshell and slightly larger as was fashionable. Beside that she was given a budget of a couple hundred quid to find herself a disguise because all the tailors of Saville row wouldn’t quite be able to make a decent pair of ripped jeans.

Which she buys many of once Merlin says she gets to keep the clothes and gets herself some toiletries as well because Harry didn’t exactly give her the time to pack an overnight bag. She hasn’t been told much about the mission, just that they would be headed to Imperial College and she assumes that they mean her to pose as a student.

She knows absolutely nothing else.

“You’ll remember me saying that a friend of mine died recently, Lancelot in fact.”

“Yeah, what about it.”

“He was attempting to rescue a professor who had been kidnapped. It didn’t quite work out as per plan and he died in the process.”

“So we’re breakin’ into the kidnapped professor’s office? You don’t need me for that.”

Harry smiles like she’s done something very clever. For someone who used her high IQ to make a point of her shit decisions he seems to forget about it quite often. “I’m afraid it’s a bit more complicated than that. Professor Arnold,” Harry does something to the console in front of them and it displays the information on it. “Was only missing for all of twenty four hours, indeed not even long enough for his absence to go noticed, before returning to his job.”

“So either Lancelot made a mistake,” Here Harry’s jaw twitches and she just knows he wants to say that something profound that essentially boils down to ‘A Kingsman is always right’, “Or the kidnappers got whatever they wanted.”

“What could someone with the capability of taking down a Kingsman agent want from Professor Arnold?” Harry thought so very highly of Kingsman and it was just so blatant that Eggsy wonders for a second. He thinks them so infallible and somehow does that without being obnoxious about it. Is it a Harry Hart thing, she wonders, or is it some Kingsman thing?

“Well,” She pulls herself back into the present and reads Professor Arnold’s file, “the four options would be money, power, fame or information.”

“The property that Professor Arnold was held at has a real estate value of thrice his entire life’s earnings, he hasn’t been involved in any research opportunities that have any real life application, he’s well known but only within his field and the transmissions that we’ve been intercepting from his house show no information being passed around either.”

“You said he wasn’t missing long enough for anyone to report it?”

“Yes.”

“So how did that Kingsman agent realise it?”

“He was investigating a group of mercenaries who were experimenting with biological weaponry.”

“Biological weaponry?”

“An untraceable compound that caused people to turn on another in a fit of rage and cannibalism.”

“And mercenaries— trained killers— need tha’?”  She can’t help but ask in disbelief. Everything she knows about mercenaries comes from movies, where she came from you want someone dead you do it yourself you don’t pay someone to do it for you.

“You’d be surprised.”

She’ll give him that, Harry’s bound to know more about mercenaries than she would. “So your mate—“

“He was maintaining surveillance on the property they were at and found they had Professor Arnold there.”

She sees that Professor Arnold’s file says he’s a preeminent environmental analyst and wonders what that could possibly have to do with a rage inducing biological weapon.

“So what, they wanted to see how this rage stuff affected the eco-system?” People that kill as indiscriminately as the files indicate don’t seem the type to care about the environment.

“It’s possible but we don’t quite know. That’s what we’re here to find out.”

“And you need me there for it?”

Harry doesn’t answer, simply twitches his shoulder a bit and Eggsy rolls her eyes.

“Fine then, what's my cover story?”

Harry has a file in his hand before she even finishes the sentence and holds it out to her. Her fingers just about make contact with the file before he holds it away.

“Why don’t _you_ tell me what your cover is?” She blinks in surprise and Harry tucks the file away from her. “A Kingsman agent needs to know how to be their own safety net.”

“Seriously?”

“Just for a spot of fun.”

“You have strange ideas of fun.” She shakes her head at him but thinks about it anyway. “I’m a student, new one so I don’t know that much, interested in the environment and keep up to date with periodicals and shit so I know about the Gaia theory.”

She pauses there and looks to him for confirmation and Harry smiles, looking on with something akin to approval. “Go on.”

“Bu’ you’re gonna be there and I have to know you. It can’t be personal though, you can’t be a guardian or parent ‘cause that PTA shit won’t fly in college, so someone else.” She racks her brain to think of any way to connect her to him that doesn’t make him her sugardaddy and it is surprisingly difficult. It is the thought of the money in that equation that sparks an idea. “A scholarship.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“A scholarship for underprivileged students who’re eco-friendly and shit. My recent performance suggests I would do well with some extra guidance and you can be the rich tosser with connections on the college board who has a vested interest in my studies.”

“And how would you go about interrogating him?”

“Isn’t that where you come in?” Eggsy was confused. The way Harry made it sound, she was going to be the one doing...well, everything. And if that was the case then what was Harry doing there?

“Yes, well, I’m not that used to interrogating civilians.” Harry has a thoughtful look on his face. “That should make him easier to break but I suppose shooting him would be overkill.”

“Why can’t you just talk to him? He’s not used to being interrogated, he’ll slip up. The first time I was arrested I almost confessed and they weren’t even my drugs.”

Harry looks at her with ill-concealed amusement. “Really?”

“I was just druggie-sitting. They need someone to keep them alive, make sure they don’t OD and they’re willing to pay for it. It was my first real job.”

It was actually one of those things she was proud of. Some of them had been difficult to handle and she wasn’t even talking about the cokeheads. She’d done well, kept them all alive right up until their hidey hole was busted.

“So did I pass your test, can I have that file now?” She asks and Harry finally hands it over and she gently pumps her fist in triumph when she sees how close the story she came up with was to the one they’d given her. Eggsy definitely passed.

Maybe she’d be a Kingsman yet.

* * *

 

There was something distinctly sociopathic about the way Eggsy presented herself. Harry knew that already but it became glaringly obvious the more they went inside Imperial College and the more little ticks she picks up. From the girl at the help desk she picked up a slouching set of shoulders tending to the right with the hand drifting over the messenger bag every so often, from the boy they pass in the hallway, the habit of rocking on the heels and so on and so forth. Before long she has all the mannerisms of a student down pat, even the slight jitteriness from over caffeination and as they wait for Professor Arnold in the lecture hall a blue stain blooms on the middle finger of her right hand from a pen Harry didn’t even know she had.

“Hello,” Professor James Arnold walks in and Harry finds that he didn’t quite realise how affected he’d been by James’ death until he sees the man Lancelot died trying to rescue and feels the rage flood his brain. He smiles because that is how he knows to deal with anger, with controlled aggression and is more thankful than ever for Eggsy’s presence which allows him some respite. “Can I help you?”

“Professor Arnold?” Eggsy says, stepping forward and puts one booted foot up the stairs, the very picture of enthusiasm. “I’m Gail. I attended a lecture you gave on Chaos and order in Ecological systems.”

“Ah yes, for the freshmen. I didn’t realise we had an appointment.” Professor Arnold says, clearly confused.

Harry took this as his cue and put his hand forward for a handshake. “That would be my doing, I’m afraid. Gail here is one of our scholarship students and we were wondering if perhaps you might consider the possibility of taking her under your wing.”

Professor Arnold just looks at him like he’s an idiot and Harry can feel the rage coming up again and has to try particularly hard to push down the urge to take the interrogation into his own hands.

“I know, I tried telling them, I’m barely into my second semester and I haven’t even chosen the courses yet but I referred to your essay in the Ecology Letters about anthropogenic forces and their impact on the ecological system as per the Gaia hypothesis in my application so...”

Professor Arnold’s face changes entirely from suspicion to ecstatic excitement. “Isn’t it fascinating? You know I always say, humankind is the only virus cursed to live with the horrifying knowledge of its host's fragile mortality.”

What Harry found fascinating was that Professor Arnold thought of humankind as some sort of virus.

“I know and somehow everything we do seem to contribute so much to its mortality and no one cares, they’re just so ignorant about it!” Eggsy says, gesturing wildly. Strangely, she displays a hint of the kind of anger that he was feeling. “And of course everyone wants to research into using the finite sources like carbon based fuels more efficiently but surprisingly few try to work with the infinite sources.”

“But even that doesn’t always work out so well, I was just in Argentina and the hydro electric dams they’re building on the rivers there will leave the land surrounding them and the aquatic life itself absolutely devastated and yet I find more people concerned about the goals some footballer scored!” Professor Arnold scoffs.

“Argentina, did you go on the field trip last year? One of my seniors was talking about it.”

“No, no this was quite recent actually, I was asked to consult for a project.”

“Really?” Eggsy says with such genuine interest that Professor Arnold begins speaking even more freely.

“Yes, they’re thinking of launching a product worldwide and wanted to talk about the impact it would have on the environment.”

“Oh, a multinational corp being eco friendly? That’s amazing, there’s so few companies like that, I mean apart from the Munich Reinsurance Group and the Valentine Corporation I can’t even think of any such companies off the top of my head.”

And there, there was a very sudden reaction. Professor Arnold went from excited to nervous in seconds and sweat began forming on his head. “Oh you know of them.”

“Well I knew someone who worked in the Valentine Corporation and she just found the work environment so great because they cultivated that awareness.”

He was outright tugging at his collar now and when his hand slid to his ear Harry noticed the scar under it. It was new and precise sealed too well to be done by anything but a laser.

“Really?” Professor Arnold’s eyes darted from one side to another.

“Yes, she rescued all these animals from this really cruel testing facility and they ended up rewarding her for it, it was just really cool of them. She died a few years ago and she was the one who used to tell me about all this stuff and it really inspired me.”

“You don’t say?” Arnold was glad for the change in conversation, that much was obvious, but his eyes still darted around and Harry figured it was time to cut their losses.

“Mr Arnold,” Harry starts and Arnold shoots him a look as if he hadn’t quite realised he was still there and didn’t care much for it.

“It’s _Professor_ Arnold or Dr Arnold.”

“My apologies, I simply wished to ask if you might reconsider your stance on mentoring Gail here.”

“Ah well, I would love to but—“

“It would be a waste of your time, I understand,” Eggsy says all gracious smiles, “but maybe we could just exchange emails or something.”

“Of course, of course.”

It doesn’t take long after that, a simple exchange of words with Eggsy nearly falling over herself in gratitude and they’re out the door soon.  In the hallway they encounter the strangest part of the entire encounter, a pair of men mercenaries from the same group that James was tracking standing outside trying hard to blend in with the crowd and failing as Harry notes the ill concealed guns on them.

Luckily Eggsy hasn’t still dropped the impression of a student yet and she must notice the same thing that he does because she begins speaking, just loudly enough to be heard by them but still quite enough to pass as someone trying and failing to whisper.

“I did say it was a complete waste of that man to ask him to mentor me. That was completely humiliating, I mean I sounded like one of those ridiculous fangirls. He’s never going to be my advisor when I get around to the PhD now!”

The cab is right outside waiting for them and it takes only a second in it for Eggsy to slouch completely and let out a heavy breath.

“Fuckin’ hell.” She says and Harry is ridiculously glad to see the real Eggsy return. “Why the fuck are you lookin’ at me like tha’?” She eyes him suspiciously and Harry can feel a grin stretch at his face.

“My dear girl you’re going to be quite a remarkable Kingsman.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goddess, you guys are so nice! All the feedback is just so amazing, seriously. Thank you for all the nice words.I have made the change from stray cat to fox as pointed out, I did wonder why the cat looked so much like a dog, thanks for that.
> 
> I suppose this chapter marks out the divergence from canon more markedly than the others. It’s a ripple effect, one little stone thrown in changes so many things, if it wasn’t for Professor Arnold’s head going boom Valentine wouldn’t have ramped up the production of the SIM cards and that would give them more time to figure things out. Plus he wouldn’t have looked as closely into what agency Lancelot belonged to and that would push back his interaction with Arthur. So many things changed because of Professor Arnold and yet he only appeared for a few minutes, it’s quite interesting.


	8. Chapter 8

“So,” Harry says once the cab starts moving and Eggsy has let off a litany of swears that sufficiently make her feel like herself. “That went well.”

Eggsy frowns at him like he’s being particularly difficult and shakes her head, incredulous. “Is that how you usually ‘collect information’?”

“There’s usually a bit more screaming involved. And blood.” The only real reason he was even given the mission was because he was the only agent still in London. The others were undercover in various places all over the world and it wouldn’t have been prudent to pull them out of a mission they’d spent months setting up.

She gapes but eventually just shrugs it off. “Should ‘ave known that you don’t do stealth after that show at the pub. All flash and bang.”

“How dreadfully hurtful of you to say that.” Harry deadpans but moves on just as quickly. “So, what did you learn about Professor Arnold?”

“You were right there. This one of your tests?”

“If you would please oblige me?”

Harry ignores her muttered ‘toff’ and focuses on what she says next. “Alright then.” She closes her eyes and when they open there is a laser like concentration in them. “Okay. He said humankind is a virus. A bit extremist but that’s not too worrying until you realise he was kidnapped by someone making biological weaponry.” She stops there and looks to him—for approval, he realises with a rush of pride—askingly.

“Go on.”

“An’ he said that his ‘friends’ in Argentina wanted to take their product worldwide. Plus he fuckin’ jumped outta his skin when I mentioned Valentine so maybe someone who works there is connected to this shit?”

“It would have to be someone very high up for him to so instantly connect any mention of Valentine with them. So anything else?”

“You mean the two bodyguards? Pro’ably  there to make sure he cooperates?”

“Professor Arnold was too relaxed for that, if they were there for intimidation then he would have exhibited some form of anxiety.”

“Still don’ get what they want from him.” She frowns.

“Perhaps they really did just want to know what affect the weapon would have on the eco system.”

“Oh come off it, you commit genocide you don’t go about thinking of the environment.” She turns to him with curious eyes. “Do you?”

“You’d be surprised. Besides, there is something called an eco-terrorist. Valentine himself is supposed to be a bit fanatical about it all. Speaking of Valentine, good job distracting Professor Arnold, he was getting quite worked up.”

She smiles at him in shock and he realises it’s the praise that’s done that. There is something very sad about that, that something as simple as a good job should elicit such joy and surprise from her.

“You did well Eggsy. I’m afraid I might have made quite a fool of myself had I been there alone. Couldn’t help but think of James.”

“The former Lancelot?”

“The very same.”

“You said before that he knew my Da’.”

“James and Lee were the two final candidates, they grew quite close during the process. They passed all the tests and continued to do so no matter what we threw at them. There was talk of making them both probationary agents on a semi-permanent basis until your father’s death.”

“Can you tell me what happened now that I’m training for this? Or is it still classified?” It’s the first little bit of interest she’s shown in Lee since that time back in the pub and Harry is more than happy to oblige.

“We were interrogating a terrorist. I missed the fact that he had a grenade on him and he managed to arm it. Lee threw himself over the man just as the grenade blew and took most of the impact. Saved my life, and James’.”

She hesitates but asks anyway. “Was he a nice man? Not jus’ a good one I mean, was he _nice_?”

“Most certainly.”

There is something not quite like satisfaction on her face as she leans back and Harry wonders what it is.

“Is something the matter?”

“Nah.” She lies and doesn’t even bother hiding the fact and he can’t help but call her out on it.

“You’re lying.”

“So?” She scoffs and he just shakes his head. Cheeky thing.

“You can talk to me you know.” It is hard to place the expression on her face, calculating and sombre in a way that’s hard to reconcile. “And I will listen.”

“You already know a bit much about me but tell you what Harry, when...if I become a Kingsman I’ll talk.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

* * *

 

“Something wrong?” Roxie asks the second Eggsy walks into their dorm after they return from the mission. Luckily their little trip to the Imperial college takes less than two hours so she got back in time to have her medical tests done quickly before being sent back. The others were already there though and so when she walks in they all stop talking and look at her just like they did when she first arrived.

“Nah, Merlin just let me go get some stuff ‘cause my mentor didn’t give me much of a warning to get ready. Fuckin’ traffic ruins everything, we’d have been faster if I was driving.”

“Oh.”

“You weren’t even his first choice, were you?” Charlie sneers and for the life of her Eggsy can’t figure out why he keeps on interrupting conversations that don’t involve him.

“Back the fuck off Charlie, we’re not allowed to discuss who proposed us.” Roxy says, angry like Eggsy’s never seen her before and that sort of really confirms her belief that Roxy was related to a Kingsman. She drops information about Kingsman all the time, doesn’t even realise that she’s doing it but the person who proposed her is something she protects fiercely.

Charlie walks off with a smirk and Eggsy can’t help but look after him in confusion.

“I know he’s tryna intimidate or some shit,” She turns from him to Amelia and Roxy, “But he just makes me feel better about myself.”

“Really?”

“It’s just... I know I’m just a pleb. And it makes me so fuckin’ angry that he’s gone through life with a silver spoon in his mouth, never had to worry about things like rent or jobs or just fuckin’ staying alive but...I didn’t have all that shit but I’m in the same place as him. Ain’t that summin’?”

“Candidates change into your training uniforms and proceed to the front yard.” Merlin’s voice blares out from all around them. They must have a bloody fantastic audio system because his voice sounds like its coming from all around them to the point where Eggsy can’t even tell where the speakers even are.

“Training uniform?” Roxy grins and points to the god-awful thing on her bed that she realises is a boiler suit. Eggsy hates boiler suits, they’re terrible for flexibility especially when they’re built like this, but puts it on anyway and follows Roxy and everyone else to the front yard where Merlin awaits them in his own boiler suit.

“As some of you will have learned last night, teamwork is paramount here at Kingsman,” Both Roxy and Eggsy don’t bother keeping the smile off their faces at that, because the only teamwork on display last night had been theirs. But then Eggsy connects what she’s hearing with the stacked cages of puppies and her heart sinks even before Merlin says it. “We're here to enhance your skills and test you to the limit. Which is why you're gonna pick a puppy. Wherever you go, your dog goes. You will care for it. You will teach it. And by the time it's fully trained, so will you be. Those of you who are still here, that is. Do you understand?”

Eggsy’s never had a pet before. She figures with the way Roxy and the rest were dressed the day before they probably had hunting dogs and horses and what not and the closest Eggsy’s come to a pet was the little cat that lives in the dumpster nearby.

She lets the others go first, wiping her suddenly clammy hands down the suit. One by one all the bigger puppies disappear and Eggsy still hangs back trying to calm herself. A puppy, a baby dog. They were probably younger than Daisy and she was going to be responsible for one of their lives.

“Eggsy?” Merlin says and she realises everyone is done and they’re just waiting for her so she walks to the cages. There’s a little one in the second row, a miniscule little thing. It reminds her of the dog Mrs Braverman who used to live down the street back when she was ten used to have. Mrs Braverman’s dog was a lot bigger than this one but this was still a puppy after all, it would grow, and her dog had always been so calm. He’d let her try to pick him up without a single bark and loved scratches behind his ear, a bulldog Mrs Braverman had said.

She picks him and stands back in line with the rest, pausing only to snap on the leash Merlin had handed them to the collar, a gorgeous leather thing that probably cost more than her entire wardrobe.

Roxy chose the poodle. It was a very pretty little thing, all black curls and a long snout, eyes hidden beneath a heavy fringe of curls and Eggsy couldn’t help the laugh. This poodle didn’t look anything like the Poodle she knew back home, too long and pretty, nothing like the squash faced dick that Poodle was.

“A poodle?”

“What? They’re gun dogs, oldest working breed, easy to train.” Maybe, but that hair was bound to be high maintenance. “A pug?” She says looking down near Eggsy’s feet and she wonders if maybe Roxy meant to say bug and looks for one in the grass she was standing on. It doesn’t take long for her to realise what Roxy really means.

“It’s a bulldog, innit?” Roxy just looks at her and then at Eggsy’s dog as if wondering how anyone could think that. “It will get bigger though, won’t it?”

Roxy’s mouth opens as if she wants to say something but instead she just shakes her head.

“Shit.”

Merlin hands out some pamphlets for training dogs but then leaves them to their own devices and they all take the opportunity to bond with their dogs. Amelia and Roxy are off on the side discussing puppies and the rest are somewhere else, Eggsy doesn’t quite care and she sits down and holds her new puppy to eye level.

A pug.

Not a bulldog, a pug. The wriggling bundle of fat and fur that would probably never get bigger, squirms as she looks it in the eye.

She tries to glare it into submission and get it to stop wriggling from side to side, squealing as it did that— because it’s becoming hard to resist it— and when the puppy stills Eggsy thinks she’s finally won. Then its little tongue comes out and starts licking her face and she’s gone. The puppy has won her over. Roxy’s poodle may be a gun dog and easily trained but no one will even see Eggsy’s wee pug when he ultimately destroys them as she will train him to do. It will be hard but Eggsy figures it’ll be worth it.

“You and me, we are going to be a fuckin’ amazing team, JB.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Eggsy in the movie had Marines training but he came back when Michelle called him and I just figure if Eggsy was a girl there’s no way Michelle would even let her think about something like that. Plus, for all that I would love for the world to be indiscriminatory in regards to gender, it isn’t and I doubt that joining a military as a means of escape from a hard life would even occur to Fem!Eggsy as an option. I know people defy gender roles all the time but that doesn’t change the fact that they exist and they influence the way people think either by encouraging them to rebel or fall in line with them.
> 
> That said, they have the same temperament so fem!Eggsy is going to blow minds away in her training.


	9. Chapter 9

Training is a breeze. Eggsy loves the discipline of it, hadn’t even realised how much she needed that firm guiding influence until she suddenly has it. She’s been rebellious her whole life but never quite had anything to rebel against, it becomes a lot easier and so much more fulfilling to push limits, to find loopholes in rules when she has them imposed on her in the first place and she was learning so, so much.

Training JB, not so much. That dog is just not meant for discipline, all he ever wants to do is sit in her lap and whine and plead for cuddles, cuddles that she winds up giving him anyway because he’s just about the size of Daisy and she misses her baby sister more than anything -- hacking into her mum’s phone under the guise of the Remote Information Retrieval lessons to find videos of Daisy’s first time crawling and more just isn’t enough.

JB finally learns to Sit but around that time Roxy’s poodle Yves is already tracking things by scent —and Eggsy doesn’t really want to know exactly what scent Roxy’s been training him to track or how she got it—and he still refuses to Heel.

He is an absolutely lazy bastard who refuses to run when in the morning when they all do a circuit of the Kingsman facility but when it’s time to sleep or even just sit down for a few moments he runs around yipping his little head off. There are so many times when she just wants to fucking shoot him but refrains because for some godforsaken reason she loves that fuzzy little shit.

And he’s the reason she’s out in the courtyard at so late an hour. JB woke her up whining, sniffing and trying to get off the bed in the ways that she has learnt, through very stinky ways, mean that he needs to use his outdoorsy loo. After the third wall she smashes into with JB leading her in her sleep she wakes up properly and manages to get out there without any further damage to herself.

“Fuckin’ training doesn’t cause me this pain JB.” She mutters, stifling a yawn and lets out a sharp yelp when she senses someone looming behind her.

“Really now? Clearly we’ve been going easy on you lot.” Merlin says, clearly amused while she tries to control her heartbeat. “I see the Awareness training isn’t working too well for you.”

“Sir?”

“Report to Medical once you’re done with your—” He looks at JB, “dog.” He says and stalks off leaving her standing there mouth agape with a pooper scooper in hand.

* * *

 

Harry adjusts his tie carefully making sure the knot is perfect as the lift slides down. It may have been one in the morning but a gentleman is always dressed well, especially when meeting a lady and while Eggsy didn’t consider herself one Harry certainly does.

The lady in question is all but asleep when he enters the room, leaning against an ECG machine only to flail when the pug yips excitedly and runs over to Harry.

“Son of a—” She looks around wildly before calming when she sees him there. “Harry.” Eggsy acknowledges him with a nod that had become their norm when passing each other in the corridors of the UK HQ and Harry smiles a bit.

“Galahad, you’re late. Again.” Merlin frowns at him and the smile widens.

“Merlin, Eggsy.” Harry says and turns to his protégé. “How’s your training going?”

He knows the answer to that already of course, has been keeping tabs on it. As he had expected Eggsy flourishes as a Kingsman and he has never been prouder of any candidate he proposed before.

“Great, I learnt how to snap a man’s neck with my thighs yesterday.” She’s formal, probably because Merlin’s around but the smile on her face is genuine and she’s at ease so he counts it as a win.

“Isn’t it a wonderful trick?” Harry remembers the first time he killed a man like that. Fun times. Merlin interrupts his reminiscence with a clearing of his throat and frowns at him before turning to Eggsy.

“You seem to have made quite an impression on Professor Arnold.”

Eggsy frowns looking at Merlin suspiciously. “I talked to him for ten minutes.”

“Professor Arnold has been maintaining a conversation with you via email.”

“I don’t remember doing any of this. Did you shoot me with one of those amnesia darts?”

Merlin smiles and Harry tenses automatically. Nothing good comes out of Merlin’s smiles. “We maintained a correspondence on your behalf, as well as yours, Galahad.” He finally deigns to inform him. Harry is just the slightest bit miffed at the fact that Merlin seems more interested in debriefing Eggsy than him. “Professor Arnold got in touch with the foundation sponsoring your scholarship and you’ve both been invited to a gala this week.”

Eggsy frowns. “The fuc—I mean, what have you been makin’ me say on these emails?”

“And how exactly does a college professor have the means to throw a gala?” Harry knows well that a Professor’s salary even when one is as active in the field as Professor Arnold is not really up to the level of a gala.

“He doesn’t, the invitation was on behalf of his friend Richmond Valentine.”

“Valentine again.” Eggsy says sharply. “In this email correspondence,” Harry can practically hear the inverted commas, “did Valentine come up often?”

“To a degree.” Merlin agrees and hands over a heavy dossier to her and she blinks in question. “Your homework. All the emails are in it, learn them by rote, understand the character that you have to play.”

Her mouth drops open. “But we have an exam the day after.”

“I’m well aware of that, I will be invigilating it after all. I suggest you get a head start on the study material, wouldn’t do for you to fail before the gala.” Merlin says and leans back, his pad pointed in the direction of the door. “Off you go.”

With a roll of her eyes Eggsy leaves them the puppy now fast asleep in her arms and as soon as she’s out the door Merlin looks him over carefully.

“My, my, aren’t we all dressed up today.”

“A gentleman is always—”

“Don’t give me that shit Galahad.” Merlin tilts his head and looks him over carefully with a smirk. “There something you want to tell me?”

He wanted to tell Merlin all about the pictures he’d found of him as a baby-faced little student in public school with his hair and everything but Harry supposes that could wait until later. There were plenty of other things to discuss after all. “I’m not too fond of the new font you’re using in the glasses.”

“Now you’re just being deliberately obtuse.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

* * *

 

Eggys isn’t sure why she’s surprised by this but she still is. When she walks in to their dorm and finds Charlie standing over her bed with a bucket in hand, clearly intending on throwing it over her, or at least the pillow she’s shoved under the blankets. Dickby isn’t a part of this surprisingly but he is awake and watching with what looks like disapproval on his face. He sees her in the doorway and purses his mouth tight trying to control his laughter while Eggsy walks right behind the two boys still hovering over her bed.

“I don’t see the little mutt anywhere.” Rufus whispers.

“Who cares, let’s just do this.” Charlie whispers right back and by now their little chat has woken up most of the others as well. Eggsy can see Roxy shaking under her covers while she walks up behind the two.

“The fuck are you doin’?” She says loudly and Charlie makes a noise that sounds a lot like a high girlish shriek and upends the bucket on himself, half the water sloshing onto Rufus while she steps back just in time to avoid getting drenched. She didn’t expect that at all but the look on their faces and on the others’ when they realise their little prank has backfired horribly was so worth it.

They grumble and walk away while she settles herself back into bed, JB curling up next to her while Rufus and Charlie argue over whose fault it was.

Idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the late update.


	10. Chapter 10

The hatch of the plane opens and the English countryside appears. Eggsy can’t help but smile at how fucking pretty it is, like a green patchwork blanket

“Eggsy I really don’t think can do this!” Roxy says and she can’t even look at the amazing view they have which just doesn’t make sense to Eggsy.

Then again Eggsy is a lot more used to falling from great heights and landing on her feet.

“Of course you can’t, head to the back and I’ll show you how, yeah?” Charlie says and pushes Roxy to the back, the rest following him ahead and suddenly Eggsy ad Roxy are last in line, Amelia shooting them an apologetic look.

The light turns green and hey all rush ahead but just as Eggsy’s toe touches the edge Roxy pulls her back.

“Eggsy! Eggsy wait, hang on!” Roxy sounds hysterical which is weird. She must really be afraid of heights but this is not the time and Eggsy grabs her by the shoulders.

“Roxy just stop fuckin’ about. It’s just flyin’.”

“It’s not flying it’s falling!”

“Breathe in, breathe out.” Eggsy turns Roxy around and Roxy’s breathing goes fast. “Close your eyes and jus’ trust me, yeah?”

Roxy nods and with one deep breath she pushes off, falling into the sky and Eggsy grins and follows.

It’s ridiculously fun free falling, everyone’s whooping and cheering, playing around. Even Roxy begins to get into it, laughing at their antics although she still doesn’t join them when Merlin informs them that one of them has no parachute.

“What? No parachute? Who?!” Roxy screeches and they all curse, wondering which one of them is the gimp.

“Aim for the target, come in under the radar.” Merlin says calmly. “I hope not to be scraping one of you up. But if I do have to and you’re inside the target, please know that I’ll be very impressed.”

They can’t pair up, there’ seven of them, there’s—

Before she can even think about it, Rufus and Amelia panic and open their chutes, both of which were entirely intact which meant one them is the one who’s fucked.

“Everyone listen up, make a circle!” She shouts and for once is reasonable and actually does what she says and the rest follow, Charlie on one side of her with Roxy at the other. “We pull our chords one by one, when we know who’s fucked the person on their right grabs them.”

One by one they pull their chords until the only ones left are her and Roxy, and one of them has no parachute.

“Fuck!”

Okay, Eggsy understands Roxy’s fear now.

“Roxy, don’t worry, I’ve got you alright?”

She nods, her breath stuttering fats and Eggsy wonders if she’s going to have a panic attack. “Okay Eggsy.” She says and Eggsy locks her legs around Roxy’s.

“Yours first.” Eggsy says and expects Roxy to pull the chord instantly, _needs_ her to do so because the ground is fast approaching and she can almost make out the K where they’re supposed to land but Roxy’s scared and her hands fumble.  The readout on Eggsy’s helmet is telling her that they have to do it now or the parachute won’t be able to save them and she reaches out for Roxy’s parachute chord just as Roxy’s hand curls around the chord of Eggsy’s parachute and simultaneously they pull at them only to find both their parachutes intact, jerking their spines and creating the drag they need to slowing down their descent just enough that their landing is hard on the knees but the rest of them is intact and not splattered all over the target.

“Merlin does not play a fair game.” Eggsy says when she finally has enough breath to spare and Roxy in a moment of delirious laughter, kisses her before doing the same to Amelia and Hugo when they finally arrive.

Merlin allows them a moment before ordering them all to fall in.

“Hugo, Digby, you don’t land in the K, you’re not in the K. Amelia, Rufus, you opened too soon, you were all over the radar. All four of you pack, pack your bags, go home.” The four walk away but not before Rufus shoots them a glare. “Eggsy, Roxy, Congratulations. You set a new record. Opening at three hundred feet that’s pretty ballsy. Well done for completing another task. You three have all earned a day off,” Merlin looks at Eggsy and she just knows that her day off is going to be spent at the gala. “Fall out.”

Roxy and Charlie leave but she stays back under the pretense of being pissed off. Eggsy’s good at that.

“If I had failed the test—?”

“Harry would be going to the gala alone and explaining your absence as best he could. You’re not the only one glad about having passed the test.” Merlin mutters and she returns to the dorm to find the four packing their bags.

Amelia sweeps her and Roxy into a hug and holds them so tight Eggsy’s face probably looks like a fish. “If one of you doesn’t beat Charlie and become the next Lancelot I’ll kill you both.” She says so softly and with such meaning that Roxy and Eggsy exchange a terrified look over her shoulder.

Hugo comes up to her as well is bag slung over his shoulder and smiles. They became close over training, Hugo making a deal with her to help her with combat training if she helped him with the agility course. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement and they’d become something like friends over the course of beating each other up and jumping over hurdles.

“Kick his arse.” He says and she realises that Charlie had made absolutely no allies during his training and that no one really liked him. It makes her sad for a whole second.

“Oh I’ll kick the res’ of him too.”

And then there were three.

* * *

 

It takes Eggsy two hours of scouring street market stalls to find an appropriate dress to the gala that a student could afford, another hour to find the right accessories and high heels, and all of fifteen minutes to get ready. She runs back to the Kingsman facility where she’s supposed to meet Harry knowing full well that she’s late only to find herself out of breath for nothing because Harry fucking Hart is late.

She gets why Merlin looks at him like that whenever he enters a room now.

She’s going through the notes Merlin gave her, going over the emails until she knows exactly what ‘Gail’ has written in them and just as she’s reaching the last page Harry breezes in, easy as you please.

“Eggsy, how do you do?”

“You’re late.” She ends up chorusing with Merlin and Harry just grins, the little shit.

“All the more reason to hurry.” He holds his elbow out and she rolls her eyes before threading their arms together and they walk out. She doesn’t know where they’re going but figures she’ll let Harry take the lead for now. They take the Kingman tube to the shop and when they walk out Eggsy’s jaw drops.

The Jaguar F-Type she’d drooled over in the Kingsman hangar was waiting for them.

“I thought you might enjoy this.”

A little moan of appreciation works its way out of her as she runs a reverent hand over the hunter green hood. “I need a moment.” She whispers and she can hear the smile in Harry’s voice as he hmms in agreement. She just looks at it, taking in her fill before opening the door and sitting down. She wouldn’t be able to drive it, it wouldn’t have been believable for her to do so but even this was enough and Harry got in and started the car while she ran her fingers over the interiors, cooing nonsensical things that she usually reserved for Daisy and JB.

The drive ends far too quickly, and even as she steps out fo the car she misses the purr of its engine. Harry does the needful, ringing the bell and she watches with solemn eyes as the car is taken into parking by a valet. Eggsy is so intent on the sight of it disappearing that she misses the door opening and it takes a discreet cough for her to turn to face the door.

A woman smiles and there is something dangerous about it, only enhanced when she asks them to follow her and Eggsy realises that her legs were blades, but blades that had blades in them. If she wanted to she could probably take off someone’s head with one kick and that combined with her perfectly winged eyeliner made her absolutely terrifying.

“I do apologise for our tardiness.” Harry says and she smiles again, sending a shiver down Eggsy’s spine.

“It’s no matter, Mr Valentine had other guests to attend to.” She says and opens the door.

“Oh my God, that’s the princess of Sweden!” Eggsy says, clutching at Harry’s arm with wide eyes. “Fuck what’s the etiquette for th—and that’s the Prime Minister of Sweden! And—is that Adele? Motherfucking hell, and that’s Dr Gawde, head of the Mumbai institute of environmental management’s  R and D department, he revolutionised the management of CFC’s! Oh fuck, I need a moment!” She says with gasping breaths and the terrifying lady who introduces herself as Gazelle tells her where the loo is.

Eggsy has a ‘panic attack’ then, shaking a paper bag out of her clutch and breathing into it knocking her hand onto the counter just enough to stick the little listening device Merlin had given her under it. Once she’s composed herself enough and touched up her makeup a bit she makes her way out and into the ballroom.

She looks for Harry in the slight crowd but just as she spots him, Professor Arnold finds her. “Ah there you are Gail, I was just looking for you. Mr Valentine wanted to speak to you.”

“M-m-me?” She says with all the star struck enthusiasm that Gail would inevitably have. The emails she’d sent Professor Arnold waxed poetic about Valentine without really making him the focus of any conversation, just like in Imperial College back then. She brings her hands up and begins flailing them, closing and opening them nervously. It’s not that difficult to do that, she really does appreciate Valentine Corporations and Richmond Valentine really is a genius. “But...Mr DeVere—“

“Ah yes,” Professor Arnold’s face contorts. Harry did not make a god impression on him. “Last I saw he was talking to the Swedish princess.”

“I just really don’t want to jeopardise my scholarship.” She says with earnest worry. Merlin had told them to stick together as far as possible since she was just a probationary agent and didn’t have the glasses that Harry did since they would look out of place on her in a formal setting.

“Gail,” Harry says and they both turn to find him right behind them, “I trust you feel better now?”

“You’re ill?” Professor Arnold asks and Eggsy waves it off.

“A bit overwhelmed by the guest list.” She laughs breathlessly and Professor Arnold smiles at her kindly.

“Right well, I thought I’d introduce you to Mr Valentine.”

“Of course, I’m looking forward to meet out host.” Harry says and ‘Gail’ squeaks excitedly as they begin making their way to Richmond Valentine.

“Mr DeVere, Ms Davenport, it’s a pleasure to meet you both.” Valentine smiles and shakes both their hands in turns.

“Mr Valentine, pleasure to make your acquaintance.” Harry says shaking his hand firmly while Eggsy lets out a breathy little ‘Hi’ and grins like a maniac much to Valentine’s and Gazelle’s amusement.

“Gotta admit I was really intrigued to meet you, there’s not a lot of scholarships of your kind that I don’t know of.”

“Well, discretion is a preference for the group.”

“And you, Ms Davenport?” Valentine looks at her questioningly and she flails.

“I am really holding back form live tweeting this.” She fans her cheeks furiously. “You’ve got the Princess of Sweden and Dr Gawde here and _you_. This is like the stuff of dreams, if Miranda Hart was here you’d be using a defibrillator on me right now! I’m so excited!”

“I’m glad to hear you say that, the Princess is the guest of honour tonight but I did want to meet all of you as well. I have a project in mind and I feel like you’d be a good fit for it.”

Even though Professor Arnold hates Harry, Valentine does not. The two of them begin talking, chatting about old spy films making references that went over her head. Eggsy just kept on looking around star struck even though what she really wants is to tell off the Prime Minister of Sweden for some of the policies he’s been passing.

“If I may have everyone’s attention please?” Valentine says suddenly and they all turn to look at him. “Dinner is ready to be served.”

They all take their seat on the long table, it’s a small enough crowd that the room doesn’t feel too cluttered and big enough that there aren’t any awkward silences. Eggsy, much to her surprise, is seated between the Princess of Sweden and Professor Arnold, across from Harry who form the look of his innocent smile, is having a terribly annoying conversation with the Prime Minister and Dr Gawde on his other side is too busy talking to Adele about singing techniques if the vocalisations she can hear are anything to go by.

Eggsy has the best seat, hands down. The Princess —‘Call me Tilde’, she says—is fucking awesome and not just hot and blonde. She smiles all pretty and graceful when Valentine makes a toast to her but then talks to Eggsy about her secret twitter handle and asks her where she got her dress. The sound that comes out of Tilde’s mouth when she hears how little Eggsy shelled out for it is the funniest thing ever and she even shares tips on dog training when she finds out that Eggsy’s the new owner of a dog.

Eventually though they both get drawn into conversation with Professor Arnold who seems to be vetting them for how extremist their views are. Eggsy knows enough and has prepared for this well enough to tread the line perfectly enough but Tilde soon grows obviously concerned with the way Professor Arnold talks.

And to be fair it is a bit concerning.

“—We’re far past the point of no return, there’s no real measures to take against global warming but the distribution of resources is something to control and that depends so heavily on the population.” Professor Arnold says.

“There’s already a disparity when it comes to allocation of resources, to take even more control of that would only make it worse.” Tilde argues pushing Eggsy back towards the back of her chair so she can glare at Professor Arnold.

“There’s an inherent bias when this control is in the hands of a person on the other hand to have it controlled by some sort of computer program with a lack of a human intuition would be just as bad.” Eggsy adds hoping to temper the conversation so she could actually eat the Big Mac in front of her. Kingsman training didn’t exactly leave a lot of opportunities for takeout and she really, really wants to get that burger inside of her and the chips, God, the chips. What devil did the original McDonald make a deal with to get to those perfect chips?

“Exactly, who will guard the guardians?” Tilde says.

“What she means is that you need a person in charge of such things because machines don’t suffice.” Professor Arnold says and the two continue to goad Eggsy into taking a side and Eggsy keeps on playing the Devil’s advocate.

Eventually she even manages to get some of the secret sauce.

Before she knows it it’s time to leave, Tilde and the Prime Minister staying back to discuss something with Valentine while the rest make the motions to leave, air kisses and waves being handed lal around, Tilde even kissing Eggsy on the mouth when she tells her that she’s always wanted to kiss a princess but they trickle out, one by one until only Harry and Eggsy are left waiting for the Jag to be brought up.

The second its grill comes into view Eggsy melts makes the little sex noise again, something about that car just did things to her and Harry manages to shake off that sour look the Prime Minister put there to smirk at her.

“You know what,” He says and tosses the keys the valet handed over to him in the air before catching it in his palm, swirling them around his finger once, twice before throwing them to Eggsy. “I’ve had a bit too much to drink, it’d be best if you drive.”

“Are you fuckin’ with me Haz?” She asks with wide eyes and he smiles.

“Not at all.”

Without another word she slides into the driver’s seat, fingers curling around the steering wheel softly and waits for Harry to get in and do up his seat belt.

“You ready?”

“A gentleman is always ready.”

The engine comes to life and she feels its vibration deep in her bones.

Best. Day. Ever. 


	11. Chapter 11

It’s not like Eggsy isn’t expecting it, honeypot missions are fuckin’ obvious considering the whole Bond thing Kingsman has going on. But that doesn’t mean that she has to like it. Seduction was something she knows nothing about really. It was safer at the estate for her to be one of the boys and even before she’s never been seduced or wooed or wanted to do so. The boys who wanted under skirt usually thought saying ‘You the gymnast yeah? Quick, do a dismount on my dick’ was supposed to make her want them. No, she doesn’t like it at all.

What does it say about her that she’d rather shoot someone than seduce them?

But she does have to seduce someone and she has no actual _interest_ in this Lady Sophie, seducing her would come down to nothing but tactics. She knows that Roxy and Charlie are doing the same, she’s already seen them in the barracks going over the notes on neuro-linguistic programming, apparently assuming that when Merlin said use the NLP training he meant use nothing but the NLP training which just doesn’t make sense. If Eggsy was going to go on a honeypot mission it was always going to be her tits she’d be using instead of some textbook techniques.

But women, she assumes, respond to different things than men. It’s be better to take Roxy and Charlie out of the competition first and then figure out on the fly what appeals to Sophie. Maybe Sophie has a hero complex, Eggsy can do pathetic and vulnurable. Or maybe Sophie prefers to be rescued and she could just save her from Charlie and get her attention. Still, it isn’t like they had to get her flowers and shit, it’s supposed to be a one off, nothing more. So just get her attention, that’s all there is to it.

Only how should Eggsy do that? Wear a low cut shirt? Short miniskirt? Men are easy enough in Eggsy’s opinion but what do women like?

Eggsy would just have to be interesting then. The most interesting person she knows is Harry though but where is she going to get a perfectly fitted suit and a book of Rules for the Gentleman to learn by rote anyway? No, someone else then. Tilde? No, too classy Eggsy couldn’t do that and be interesting.

There was this girl though that she knew from way back, the older sister of a girl she went to school with. She had an entire sleeve of tattoos, smelled of smoke and alcohol and always had bloodshot eyes. Her elbows were purpled with what Eggsy learnt later were the bruises from the heroin she loved and she’d always smiled this half smile like she knew some secret that they didn’t. It had driven her little sister mad with anger.

Not a nice person to be but interesting sure. And it would definitely stand out in the crowd of what was sure to be uppity folk. Sure Eggsy doesn’t have the tattoos and the smell of smoke made her retch, she doesn’t drink because Dean drinks and she isn’t shooting herself up for the sake of the mission. But she’d wear her tightest trousers, her smallest top and she may not be able to do the rest but the smile, that she could do.

It _has_ to be enough, it just has to.

 

* * *

 

“Oh lovely, I’m not too late.”

Merlin’s sigh simply serves to amuse Harry. Percival, the ever so good boy had taken his seat in the waiting room instead of breaking into Merlin’s command centre like Harry. Then again perhaps it was simply concern and not wanting to see his niece being drugged and having her mettle tested.

The cameras they have stationed all over the club give a clear view and the mic hidden under the table gives them great audio. Sophie from TSS is enjoying her role as Lady Sophie Montague-Herring peeking over her cocktail with great interest.

Charlie and Roxy are still deciding on what course to take at the bar when Eggsy drops onto the couch a bit away from ‘Sophie’ and sighs loudly.

_“Fuck.”_

There is a strict dress code to the party, one that Eggsy’s leather trousers, tank top and what appear to be combat boots do not adhere to in any way. She must have broken into the building some way, Harry realises and feels a rush of pride.

“She jumped from the building opposite, used the rooftop access,” Merlin says and it is only because Harry’s known him for so long that he knows that Merlin is just the slightest bit impressed.

_“Are you okay?”_ Sophie asks Eggsy who just smirks a bit and waves off the concern.

_“Yeah, just allergic to shit music.”_

Sophie giggles and Eggsy sprawls a bit further, body language at ease and head thrown back just enough for her neck and collarbone to be exposed a bit further. A glass of champagne is set down in front of her but even though she nods at the waiter she doesn’t move to partake in it, something that causes Merlin some worry.

Harry is just plain proud.

_“You should try it, champagne always makes for a good night.”_ Sophie nudges Eggsy to drink her drugged drink but she just smiles lazily.

_“I prefer remembering my good nights.”_ She drawls out, bracing her boot clad foot against the table and Harry winces. That was just a terrible habit to have.

But it draws attention to her legs in those incredibly tight trousers that remind him of the pair he wore in his teens at all those Queen concerts and he supposes that she’s doing well in his objective. Sophie’s just about to talk to Eggsy again when Charlie drops in front of her blocking Eggsy from view and dropping some hideous line about her eyes.

_“Are you wearing colour contacts?”_

_“No!”_

_“You so are”_

_“Oh my God, negging! That’s hilarious, I haven’t heard anyone try that since the noughties.”_

_“Excuse me?”_

_“Negging,”_ Roxy explains and Merlin all but throws his arms in the air. _“Saying something negative to a pretty girl in order to undermine her social value. It’s supposed to make you want to win his approval. Absurdly basic, neuro-linguistic programming technique._ ”

Harry looks at the screen then back at Merlin.

“Isn’t that straight from the textbooks?”

“Yes. If the point of this exercise was for them to really seduce the target— ”

“Then it’s going terribly.”

Which is when Eggsy speaks up. _“Do you even hear yourselves?”_ She drawls out, rolling her eyes, one arm stretched over the back of the couch to make resting her face in her palm that much easier. She flicks her hair back and shakes her head in disdain _. “You, with the shitty pick up lines,”_ She tells Charlie, _“And you dropping the mention of her being a pretty girl while fuckin’ him over?”_ She points at Roxy. _“Fuckin’ desperate. What, were you placing bets or something while you were over at the bar?”_

_“The bar?”_ Sophie says and Eggsy smiles a half smile.

_“Saw them at the bar talking to each other before. Seemed like good friends back then, dunno what the fuck’s changed now.”_ She sits up straighter and looks at Sophie carefully. _“Actually I think it might have been around the time when your drink was getting fixed, maybe you should put that down.”_

_“Are you saying we roofied her drink?!”_ Roxy screeches in protest and Sophie puts her drink down.

_“I think I’m going to go over to the bar for a bit,”_ She says, but turns back to Eggsy. _“Would you like to—? ”_

_“Better than staying with these creeps.”_ Eggsy says and walks away with Sophie. At the table Charlie and Roxy drop into a state of unconsciousness and are moved away discreetly but Eggsy’s untouched drink remains.

“I hope you have a backup plan.” He tells Merlin who just glares at him. Not entirely disproportionate, Harry decides, considering that he’d sounded entirely too ecstatic when saying that.

“Of course I have a backup plan.”

Harry watches with dread as one of their men sprays something into Eggsy and Sophie’s path, something that has his candidate sneezing furiously all the way to the bar.

_“Oh dear, are you alright?”_

_“Someone must be wearing a jasmine perfume, it always makes me sneeze.”_ Eggsy says with a bright red nose and Sophie presses a tissue into her hand.

_“Here.”_

_”Ta.”_ Eggys says and blows her nose into it only to start weaving dangerously before falling off the barstool.

Fuck. Still, she did better than the other two. Now all that remains is the actual test.

By _God_ _,_ Harry hopes she passes it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the very late update but I was very, very sick for about a month and then there were Weddings. So. Many. Fucking. Weddings.


End file.
